Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D
2010
Directed by: Alexandre Aja
Starring: Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott

Well, where to begin? This movie was not genius. It was not ground-breaking. It wasn't even original. But was it good? Fuck yes. People take movies like this for granted. I do. There's nothing wrong with that. But I got exactly what I expected and more. The acting was atrocious. The story was typical, and every boob was fake. Do I care? Not one bit.

The story is simple. It revolves around the sheriff of a town on a lake. The lake is hosting a giant spring break party for young girls to find an excuse to wear nothing and get back at daddy and young guys find excuses to mess with their heads. Yes, plural. Anyway, there is one kid who looks no older than 15, and of course his mother is the sheriff of the town. She entrusts him to watch his younger brother and sister. He doesn't do it. In fact, he bribes his siblings and ends up on a boat captained by a dude who looks like Condeleeza Rice and Jerry O'Connell acting as a scummy porn director.

They also have two lovely ladies aboard who get naked and share in a wonderful underwater dance sequence. All hell ends up breaking loose when a pack of angry man-eating fish enters the waters below. It's Jaws on crack. The Jaws and Titanic references were hilarious. They found a way to make fun of "horror on the sea" films without making it stupid. Who would have ever thought Richard Dreyfus would be in this movie?

The simple story, dumbed-down dialogue and repetitious stupidity make this one of the most entertaining movies I have seen in a very long time. I wouldn't necessarily say it was a good movie, but it did entertain me in many ways. So for that, I have to give it credit. Otherwise, the 3D effects were lacking, and I felt like I was in a glorified version of Finding Nemo with the effects. The fish looked possessed and robotic. CGI has certainly found a way to take movies to the extreme level of beyond mediocrity.

Riley Steele did not speak one word the whole movie. Not that she needs to, but I have found that she has a rather fun and innocent voice. Was she really so dumb that they couldn't give her a speaking part in a movie that showed a man's detached penis in 3D? Damn, maybe she shouldn't quit her day job.

The movie was terrible but in an amazing way. I was thoroughly entertained. There was no dumb subplot. What you see is what you get. Straight forward thinking and a terrible script make for an unforgettable movie. Did you forget about Snakes on a Plane? That's right, unforgettable.

Stars (out of 10): 7